


Too Late to Apologize

by KavKav6040



Series: Name TBD [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Remembers, But not in the way you're thinking, Hurt Bucky Barnes, M/M, Minor Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Pining Bucky Barnes, Reminiscing, Sick Steve Rogers, bucky apologizes to steve, bucky prays for steve, he thinks he's gonna die so, like really, train scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 16:30:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4842482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KavKav6040/pseuds/KavKav6040
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky falls.<br/>He chooses his last words carefully.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Late to Apologize

“Bucky, _NO_!”

The wind whistled past his ears as the watched the speeding train whip further away from him.  The cold cut across his cheeks like a blade, and Steve’s voice echoed across the canyon like storm beating against the rocks.

“Stevie”, he whispered back, ”I’m sorry”.

He let his body go limp and twist with the current like a ragdoll. When he hit the ground, he was able to prepare for impact. He had expected to feel pain from the stab of rocks and ice but instead he felt nothing.

He felt numb.

Maybe it was the cold, ( _wear a scarf, Stevie. I can hear your chest rattle from all the way over here._ ) or maybe it was shock, but Bucky couldn’t tell pain from peace, hot from cold. He only knew snow and ice and wind.

His mind replayed the look on Steve’s face over and over until he could only see his eyes, full of the same pain Bucky saw when he heard his mother had died. The same pain Bucky had watched wash away from Steve’s face in that old factory many months ago when they had found each other again.

He had wished that pain would never come across his Stevie’s face again and he had vowed to himself that he would make it so. And he had failed.

He had become the cause of that pain.

“I’m so sorry”, he whispered to the wind.

Bucky began to feel his body again; the weight, the cold, the pain. His arm was definitely broken but he couldn’t tell where. Possibly the shoulder as that was where the pain was at its greatest. He could also feel the frost bite creeping through his boots and burning his toes. He could feel the awkward stretch of his limbs as he lay splayed at the bottom of the canyon. He felt the soft shiver of snowflakes piling on his frozen face.

He remembered Steve’s eyes again but this time filled with mirth. His mouth was covered by a thick scarf made by his mother and his lashes were coated with snowflakes. He was laughing at something Bucky had said and threw his head back, revealing his mouth from under the scarf. Bucky had wanted to kiss him then. But he didn’t.

“I’m sorry”, Bucky said again to no one in particular.

Bucky tried hard to think of Steve’s smile; something good and warm in his last frozen, painful moments. He thoughts of Christmases with his mother and 4th of Julys when they would picnic at the park and Steve would always yell at Bucky for buying a slice of cake ( _Jesus Buck, did we win the fucking lottery?_ ) but he would smile like Bucky had bought him the moon and the stars. Bucky knows he would if he could. He’d hoped that Steve knew that and he’d hoped he would one day tell him. But he didn’t.

“I’m sorry”. It was barely a sound against the gusting wind.

Bucky tried to remember the last time Steve had smiled like that and realized that it wasn’t to him. It hadn’t been to him since they had gone to war. Now that Steve had become America’s Golden Boy, people finally saw him for the ray of sunshine he always was for Bucky. He had all fans and respect and _dames_ he deserved and Bucky was happy for him, he really was, but he couldn’t help but feel as though they didn’t deserve him.

They weren’t the ones to wrap him in layers of blankets and old sweaters and feed him hot soup when his chest was rattling just a bit too loud. They weren’t the ones to work 4 shifts each day to pay for his medication. They weren’t the ones to hold his hand and pray when he wouldn’t open his eyes for days on end. Those were the only times that Bucky would pray.

God would never help a sinner like him. Steve was the one who was too good to a world that never gave him a second glance. Even Bucky didn’t deserve him.

And now Steve was happy. And Steve was healthy. Which was more than Bucky could ever do for him. If Peggy was the one that could, so be it.

So Bucky let his breathing even out and let his body relax into the snow. It seems God had answered his only prayer. Steve was safe. And he was for once at peace.

He took his final breath before letting his mind slip into darkness.

“I love you”, he exhaled.

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a quick drabble I wrote to get into the habit of writing. This is also my first time posting on here so I would appreciate con crit but this hasn't been beta'd so pls no comments on how bad it is lol
> 
> I have a lot of ideas but nothing planned out so if you guys have any ideas i would def love to hear them :)
> 
> talk to me on tumblr as well if you'd like! http://msramanoff.tumblr.com/


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